Police Keep Mayor from Crime Meeting

A mob of 150 citizens overtook the Memphis City Council meeting on Tuesday. Citing poor law enforcement in the face of a burgeoning crime epidemic that is sweeping the city, the largest audience to greet the council in years demanded answers from the largely impotent body.

Surprised by the sudden interest of a typically apathetic populace, the City Council responded courageously, shifting blame from themselves to the strangely absent Mayor, Willie Herenton.

In an honest nod to the impotence of the City Council, Councilman E.C. Jones noted, “These people came to City Hall asking ‘Where is the Mayor?’ They didn’t ask for the City Council.”

From his undisclosed location, atop one of the Memphis skyline atrocities that somehow pre-dates his administration, the Mayor released this statement, “What do you mean people went to a City Council meeting? Awww crap!”

Mayor Herenton was encouraged to miss the meeting by political advisor / Police Director Larry Goodwin. Speaking to reporters Wednesday, Herenton noted, “Had I gone in there, I knew at least one of the council persons would have used that as an opportunity to politicize a dreadful event. And for some self-serving politician to use that occasion to politicize crime, certainly I would have walked into that.”

A Herenton spokesman acknowledged that the Mayor was looking for other occasions to politicize crime. As reported by the Commercial Appeal, an arm of the Herenton re-election effort, last year Herenton asked for 500 new cops, paid for by higher property taxes. The City Council rejected that initiative citing the expense of relocating suitable candidates from other municipalities.

Still, all involved agree that something must be done to stem the tide of crime in the Bluff City, though few agree on the solution. Until such a solution is found, Herenton advises citizens to, “keep your doors and windows locked, and for God’s sake, stay away from Council meetings, they’re full of angry mobs of people!”

The inspiration for this post can be found here.

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