Ohh August…

August is just around the corner and I’m already dreading it. Not because of the hot days or anything weather related, but because Congress is out, the news media is asleep and as a certified news junkie, the decline in substantive news in August leaves me shaking in my boots. I should find another hobby.

People say one is the loneliest number, but I disagree, August is the loneliest number. August has no real holiday except for Watermelon Day (3rd), Sneak Some Zucchini on Your Neighbor’s Porch Night (8th), Lazy Day (the 10th), and National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day (15th)(Source). Clearly August has absolutely nothing good going for it. In August it’s just lots of heat, humidity, and stupid stories about heat and humidity that any old staffer could bang out or recycle from last year.

Ugh…

You know what would light up this August? Impeachment proceedings. That’s just what August needs to repair its slackardly public image. I can see it now, national news correspondents forced to work through August, whining and crying about the vacation that they missed. By the 15th they could dub it “The August from Hell!” That would be nice.

On an unrelated note, I saw the Simpsons movie last night and all I have to say is…

Spider pig.

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