Non-News Stories, Revised and Extended…02/10/07

Yesterday, in a fit of internal giddiness over my return to my former glory as mean parody song mastah, I neglected to include a story that was overshadowed by the passing of Ms. Smith. So here it is, the Revised and Extended version of Non-News stories for last week!

It’s only gay if you like it…and he likey

Last week a group of Evangelical ministers announced that former head of the National Association of Evangelicals and meth loving homosexual homophobe Ted Haggard had been diagnosed with heterosexuality. This crippling disorder, which strikes nearly 90% of humans worldwide, has been foisted upon the formerly closeted leader of one of Colorado’s most profitable churchy enterprises as the result of a strict three-week regimen of talking to guys about pussy. In addition to this strict un-rehabilitation, the group of “counselors” recommended that “Pastor Ted” move from Colorado Springs, and pursue “secular work”. Interestingly, none of the “counselors” said anyting about his meth addiction, so watch out Missouri or Iowa, hotbeds of meth production, you got a new customer coming to town.

Once again, may your day be devoid of substance and full of snark. Cheers!


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