Harriet the Shy

Harriet, Harriet, Harriet… Man are you having a rough time. First you get the nod for joining the Supremes yanked out from under ya, then you gotta chose between your man and the law. What’s a girl to do?

I hope you’re spending some time on the phone with your man because he’s put you in a place where you have to choose between the baby and the bathwater. If you don’t show up tomorrow, you probably lose your shingle. If you do, you piss off the man what brung ya. Ohh Lordy me this IS a pickle.

On top of all that, your man may have broken the law just by telling you to stay away from the dance. See, by instructing you to not show, your man may have obstructed justice, a federal crime. And surely by now we know that if a man can get in trouble for lying about a blowjob, a crime that saw leniency by this Administration for one of their biggest fans, that breaking the laws that he’s sworn to uphold will surely lead to hard times ahead.

Girl, I’m just sayin’, it’s time for you to find a new man. This man don’t love you. He’s usin’ you for your 80’s hair style and raccoon inspired mascara. Girl, you gotta get a grip, suck it up, and show up for that hearing tomorrow, if for no other reason than to save your own skin.

I know he’s shown forgiveness. I know he’s shown he’ll take care of his own, but seriously. Can he really take care of you when he’s fightin’ his own battles? Who do you think he’ll be thinkin’ of, you? Better get a checkup from the neck up. He’s got his own self in mind, not you. He’s running scared and showin his ass the whole way. I think it’s time to step up, say your piece, and watch that ass run off into the sunset. It may be your last chance to see it if this keeps up.

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